VRNB's

Ok, I am pretty much fed up with the VHF Radio Nazi Broads in these anchorages. Pretty much all boats are equipped with a VHF radio and most have a few handhelds as well. In the world of the cruisers it's an easy and quick way to get in touch and have a BRIEF exchange. It's not a telephone. Every morning at 7:30 on Channel 68 there is a "cruiser net" which is very cool and it moderated by a guy who runs one of the local boat chandleries. He gives the weather forecast, any new pertinent info, etc. Then he opens it for any questions, inquiries, discussions, maybe you are selling something or looking to buy something, whatever. It's intended to get you in touch with someone else who can help you and then set a time to meet ashore or at one anothers boat. Now I hate to make a broad generalization (well I guess this is more a generalization about broads) but SHUT THE F UP ON THE RADIO ALREADY!!!!! Damn man, I mean everyday all day long I have to listen to these shrill voices come cackling over the speaker like freaking witches around the cauldron. They hail each other for the dumbest f ing reasons and then 20 minutes later, call the same person back. All day I hear these stupid boat names calling even stupider boat names, "Galloping Lady, Galloping Lady, Galloping Lady this is Windsong do you copy, over." They wait ten seconds and if they don't get a response they start yelping again. The thing that bugs me the most about the VRNB's is that when I actually need to use the VHF for something quick, they are tying up the available channels OR even better they have the audacity to lecture others about "proper radio etiquette" by cutting in on transmissions and insisting you switch channels or something. Man I'm telling you, there are a couple of boats on my list and if this one chick doesn't shut up I fear I'm gonna dinghy over to this guys boat and tell him to put a muzzle on the old lady. I guess this is what happens when pussy boys take girls that run the roost to sea and deprive them of a phone to call their sister ten times a day to talk shit on some other chick at work she hates. Whatever. PS...there are some bad ass sailor women that I have met and are not included in my hate list. I'm headed to Trinidad soon for some work to be done on the boat and last time I was there, they were actually worse than here because THEY run the cruiser net. Oh and you may be thinking, why don't you just turn it off, yeah well I usually do right after the net because if I leave it on my skin starts to crawl by 9 AM. I think Fabian and them gave up weeks ago trying to reach me on VHF cause they know I don't keep it on. The thing that sparked this rant this morning is that there is some wet flapping douche bag couple anchored up really close to me and this morning I think they installed concert quality speakers on the mast and had the VHF on full blast so I was cheerfully woken up at 7 AM to a symphony of jackjawing from their little cult as they made plans for the veggie market and doing some arts and crafts demo later.

Anyway, do me a favor if you are ever on a boat, don't get on the radio unless you have to, don't lecture other people on etiquette when your a tool and please don't use military jargon over the air, we aren't sailing off to war or planning another beach assault on Grenada, use simple language and just ask me what time we are meeting for drinks...then shut up and read a book.